ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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