I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
