we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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