The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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