Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
