4 words: hood of his car
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
