how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
