matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
