I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
