i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
