I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
