I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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