Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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