Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
