I bet he comes in French.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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