Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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