hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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