Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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