Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
