i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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