i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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