i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
