i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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