i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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