Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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