I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
