I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
PANTIES FOUND
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