I'm so fucking centered right now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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