covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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