who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
