I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
