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I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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