I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You took a bar mat shot.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
