Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
