you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
