You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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