foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
