I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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