She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
