I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
