New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
