What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
