I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
