I feel great
I just peed on a car
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
