He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
