listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
