Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
