Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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