I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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