im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
