How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
