I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
