I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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